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[truth_and_justice]

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text| private

[truth_and_justice]

Just because the situation may not occur doesn't mean he lied to you. It just means he didn't think your resolve would be tested. Not that you wouldn't succeed if it was.

Please, Jason. I understand it hurts. But remember he's not well.

Be kind. I know you have it in you to be kind.

I'm going to talk to him. I swear.

text | private

[jesses]

it means he never meant it! it means he can say anything and it doesn't matter, he knew this whole time that he was only going back to die.

did you even know?

text | private

[truth_and_justice]

No.

I found out from Dick.

But it doesn't mean that.

It means he trusted that you'd get better. That you'd be better.

He trusted that you would do right, that you would find your way.

Do you really think he'd leave without knowing you were going to be okay?

Please, Jason. Please.

text | private

[jesses]

this is why

this is why he's with you, here. what's he got to lose. he'll never have to face up to the clark from our world about it or about anything

he lied to both of us

text | private

[truth_and_justice]

That's not why he's with me here, Jason. Don't forget he's a human being in your anger.

And yes, he lied. It was a lie of omission. But I truly believe in my heart that he was trying to save us pain.

I've told you since the beginning, Jason: he loves you. And I believe he loves me.

Showing it is the one skill Batman is terrible at, but that doesn't change what's in his heart.

text | private

[jesses]

if he loved anyone how could he do it

how could he leave

how could he abandon me again

[ and that's about all the texting he can take, he throws his phone across the room and buries his face in his hands, shaking. ]

action

[truth_and_justice]

There's a knock on the window of his apartment. A light knock.

action

[jesses]

[ he's too off-balance to correlate hanging up on superman with the knock on his window and jerks up with a knife drawn, reacting to the noise like a threat, pulse pounding and eyes wild. he's not crying. he'd spent every possible tear in arkham.

when he sees who it is, his face contorts. ]

Go away.

[truth_and_justice]

That gets a raised eyebrow and a tired sigh. But he still has a Kryptonian floating outside his window.

[jesses]

[ jesus christ someone's going to see this and then he'll have to move apartments again. he stalks over and hauls up the window so clark can stop hovering outside the building like a massive alien mosquito. ]

What.

[truth_and_justice]

"I wanted to make sure you were... okay."

No one is 'all right' right now, and 'good' is a pipedream. But 'stable' isn't happening any time soon, 'well' is beyond their scope, and 'functional' isn't really his objective.

"May I come in?"

[jesses]

[ snapped, ]

Do you see me bawling my eyes out? I'm fine. He lied about something important, what the fuck else is new.

[ he says, like his hands aren't trembling, like his heart isn't pounding and making him sick with adrenaline. he wants to hit something. he wants to destroy something. ]

Get in here before someone sees you.

[truth_and_justice]

He floats in, and he keeps his expression mild, but it says quite clearly that he can see and hear and even feel that everything isn't 'fine' and lying to him is more than a little pointless. His feet touch the ground and he takes a look around, concerned about the living area that Jason's been in. Does he even have food in here?

"Quickest way over," he explains slash apologizes.

[jesses]

[ of course there's food, there's some bare bones non-perishables and a takeout box in the otherwise empty fridge, but it's clearly a safehouse masquerading as a starter apartment. no personal touches except for what the place had come with, nothing but a few pieces of scattered equipment laid out on towels on the counters and table that could be gathered up quickly. the bedroom and extra rooms are completely untouched, but there's a bedroll on the floor of the living room in the corner. it's so sterile one could easily imagine that jason goes around in surgical gloves to avoid leaving fingerprints.

(he doesn't, but he'd thought about doing so when he'd first arrived. now he's learned no one gives a shit how many apartments he breaks into and occupies and disappears from.) ]

Don't worry about it. I'll clear out when we're done.

[truth_and_justice]

"Why?"

Because that was not the first thing he'd thought when he'd apologized. Why would Jason move out? No one in this city cares. And of the people who do, well... Clark can find him. Bruce could certainly find him. He's not sure about the rest of them but it's not reason to leave his home. No one's going to do anything that will put their deal in jeopardy unless Jason does something exceptional and so far, he hadn't.

[jesses]

Because you've been here and I'll always know you've been here.

[ clark's right, it is ridiculous in a place where no one cares, but it's what his paranoia demands. he needs at least the illusion of some safe haven, a place where he can keep tim away from other people (or at least present the fiction that he's keeping tim away from other people). ]

[truth_and_justice]

He thinks about arguing before deciding against it, leaning against the counter very much like his own.

"I was concerned. You didn't sound... good. And trust me, I'm not exactly at my best myself."

[jesses]

You want to sit down and talk about our feelings?

[ his tone is low and vicious, as much of an attack as if he'd actually gone for clark with that knife. ]

You wanna talk about how it felt when you found he'd just gone and done something you thought he'd never do, because it would be a betrayal of your trust, and you get to find out months after it's already done?

[truth_and_justice]

It would be more of an attack if Clark wasn't also... not great. As it is, he spreads his hands.

"If you like."

And his voice is... utterly blank. Not calm, not gentle. Just... blank.

[jesses]

He betrayed you. And you're still going to forgive him for it, aren't you? You're not even going to get mad when you talk to him.

[truth_and_justice]

"Of course I'm going to forgive him. Because I love him. And the last thing I want to do is come to him in anger."

He pushes away from the counter.

"What part of making him feel worse is going to help him see a way out? What part of my rage is going to convince him that he's not just saving me the trouble of putting up with him for even longer?"

[jesses]

You're assuming you can convince him to change his mind at all. I mean, he's already done it. The world that Dick goes back to? Doesn't have a Bruce Wayne in it.

[ doesn't have a batman. no one had stepped up to it, not even dick. not even himself. ]

[truth_and_justice]

"It won't be the first time he's died," Clark says dispassionately, "and it won't be the first time it's been reversed."

He looks over at Jason.

"There's things that he and I have experienced that we've never told anyone about. Trust me when I say... time, and reality, aren't nearly so simple as that."

[jesses]

[ that hurts to hear, somehow. he draws in a sharp breath and has to turn away, furious at himself for reacting, furious for caring. tim had said darkseid killed him, or they'd thought he was dead. there've been other near misses. disappearances.

no more batman. he doesn't know why it makes him shake, why it turns his voice unsteady. it's all he'd thought about for the years he'd spent planning his revenge. ]

He told me that my death wasn't enough to make him stop being Batman. I talked to him and I thought, maybe he was right, what would I do if I had the Joker in my head and he was taking over and I couldn't trust anyone to-- to save me-- [ and his voice cracks ]

...would I pull the trigger myself? I'd try. I understand that.

But then he said it wasn't because of that. It was because he'd lost control and he'd killed. He'd gotten people killed.

He thought he got me killed and that didn't fucking matter enough to even pause, but jesus fucking christ, it happens to anybody else and he's-- lining the mansion with explosives, he's all fucking set to pull the trigger, and Alfred...

[ he stops, chest heaving, dragging his hands through his hair. ]

[truth_and_justice]

"It didn't happen to someone else," Because that needs to be dealt with right away. "He directly acted to cause the death of another person."

He steps forward.

"He didn't kill himself because he was just that sad, Jason. Bruce doesn't work like that. His entire life has been about loss. Think for a moment."

He closes his eyes for a moment, breathes in for a moment, and opens his eyes with more clarify.

"He killed himself because he thinks he's become the very thing he's spent his life fighting against. " And he wants to be kind, he wants to leave it alone, but he can't. "And because his failure resulted in one of the sons he'd taken in becoming that too."

Another step closer.

"He killed himself because he believes he's tipped over from giving to the world to taking. And he can't live that way."